Le Mot Juste / The Right Word)

Earlier this week, Brenna Lyons discussed lamentable editing in her brennalyonsden blog.


http://brennalyonsden.blogspot.com/?guestAuth=wb-HSCQBAAA.LmV9kd_7kVou7Z-jfClLqNGYZ9IkK1wXGnzncSji_Pk.EPicYVNVQEQ7sKImD_JhUg

Sometimes, repetition of a word is vital to the elegance of a sentence and the development of a thought. Repetition is a crucial component of oratory, whether it is a pattern of "Like.... like.... unlike" (Brenna's example) or "a gentleman of extraordinarily propriety.... a gentleman of extraordinary impropriety" which I misquoted from a Georgette Heyer novel.

When a misguided copy-editor gets hold of your carefully crafted words after you've signed off on the edits and makes a change behind your back, there is nothing you can do about it. Thus, in my e-book Mating Net "her Concubinage class" became "her concubine class", and my made-up, alien, scholastic discipline became a nonsense (at least, in my opinion).

If you are writing alien romance, or even a romance set in the future, you will probably need an occasional made-up word. And, if your editor substitutes a modern day synonym, I encourage you to be ready to justify and defend your original word or wording. You might win it back.

I've worked with four editors, and they have all been reasonable when I've presented a convincing case for --for example-- the arrogant alien Tarrant-Arragon to say "unsense" although we would exclaim "nonsense!" As demonstrated with Concubinage, not every won battle remains won.

The right word is worth fighting for.

But... how do you know what is the right phrase, or sentence? Is it a bit of a toss up for you, before you decide? Or does the right expression leap fully formed and perfect from your head, like Athena out of Zeus?

"Devil!" She gasped. "What do you want?"

Forget whether it should be "She" or "she", and whether it is possible to say "Devil" while gasping, and whether a spirited heroine would gasp after recognizing a devil.

What about "What do you want?"?

(Punctuating that quoted question within a question is another can of worms, I think!)

As Jacqueline Lichtenberg pointed out in a recent blog, dialogue in fiction is not real life dialogue.

Assuming that the Devil "wants" the heroine, "what do you want?" might be the best question. If your editor substituted "What are you doing here?" (unlikely... more wordy) or "Why are you here?" would you care? Would you fight for it?

Does "Why?" always trump "What?" in character-driven Romance?

Introducing "here" into the question subtly changes it. Now, the heroine's focus is on their location. Also the Devil cannot respond as succinctly. He can't answer, "Sex" or "You."

Even the most laconic of devils would have to turn the "What....here?" question back, and say, "I've come for you," or "Abducting you." Moreover, if he clearly states his intentions, that's like seeing Jaws before the first swimmer is eaten.

"How did you get here?" isn't dramatic enough to consider, even if he did just emerge from a hole in her bathroom floor, unless it's a story about logistics, and ductwork and plumbing... a futuristic Mission Impossible. It isn't.

On the other hand, "What do you want?" is a bit rude... abrupt, familiar. That might be fine if the heroine has met this Devil before. However, "What do you want?" could be said in at least three different ways, depending where the heroine puts the emphasis.

Do we explain this? Do we use italics?

Maybe I should look for a better greeting. "What are you going to do to me?" I think not. A devil might be tempted to answer with concise, shocking vulgarity. I don't believe that such crudity should appear in the second sentence on the first page of a romance novel.

It's not the best hook. It's certainly not a "stopper". For the time being, my Prologue has to start somewhere. I can edit later. Maybe, before the heroine speaks, she glimpses fingers thrusting up through her carpeted floor. Or through a grating in the floor. Or both.


All the best,
Rowena Cherry

By the way, in a previous post, I discussed "stoppers".

Some examples of stopper:

“I don’t know how other guys feel about their wives leaving them but I helped mine pack.”

“I’ve been sleeping with your husband for the last two years."

“When the phone rang, Parker was in the garage, killing a man.”

If that's the gold standard, dross might be this year's Bulwer Lytton winners

http://www.sjsu.edu/faculty/scott.rice/blfc2008.htm

Knight's Fork

Talking Insufficient Mating Material with Baron Ron Herron

Half an hour ago, I was on KZSB AM 1290 for five minutes.

What a blast! I do have to say that I enjoyed every second of it. I did, despite my nerves. They say that when you are "on the spot" you never say what you mean to say, or you always think of something better that you could have said after the event.

So true!

I consider myself a bit of a seasoned talk show host myself, but only on Podcast radio (www.internetvoicesradio.com) and there is a vast difference between being the
host and in control, and being the guest.

I'd planned to tell the gracious host, Baron Ron Herron, what Survivorman Les Stroud told me about using rabbit guts as wilderness condoms.

With hindsight, maybe that would not have been such a good idea. Maybe it was just as well I didn't get to it. People in California would have been having their breakfasts.

(For those who don't know, Survivorman, Les Stroud, was my survival consultant for INSUFFICIENT MATING MATERIAL, and he gave me the cover quote.)

I gather that Baron's show airs in Pebble Beach, among other places, and also in Queensland, so I'd hoped to talk about the Pebble Beach concours d'elegance where my husband has been one of the honorary judges for eleven out of the last twelve years. The Monterey aquarium is one of my favorite haunts when we visit.

I'd have liked to mention some of my bookseller friends in Queensland... Rosemary's Romance Books, the Intrigue Bookstore, Margaret Bell, and more. Ah, well!

Anyway, I did have a good time. (I wish I could have cracked a joke, though!)

SEQUEL TO A SPOOF


HOW do you write a sequel to a spoof?

This was the first challenge I faced when FORCED MATE was a success, readers –and my editor—wanted to know when the next book would be ready.

In FORCED MATE, I lovingly took every stock Romance situation and had fun with it.

Hoping for swift sexual success with his human abductee, the alien hunk bases his seduction strategy on Romance novels and the early, less sensitive James Bond movies.

To his astonishment and annoyance, the heroine doesn’t follow the script.

INSUFFICIENT MATING MATERIAL couldn’t be a spoof, but it had to have plenty of humor, lots of sexual tension, a heroine who doesn’t follow the script, a gorgeous, powerful, competent but flawed hero, political chicanery, intrigue, and a dastardly assassination attempt.

I started thinking along the lines of THE ADMIRABLE CRICHTON meets THE TAMING OF THE SHREW with a touch of FACE OFF, and some MISS MARPLE in outer space.

Or –and I say this with Les Stroud’s permission—SURVIVORMAN WITH SEX.

INSUFFICIENT MATING MATERIAL begins with a shotgun Royal wedding. The hero’s nemesis decides that the hero must be married to a political “liability wife” … the most scandalous, most airheaded, fashionista princess available.

Only, the Princess takes one look at the chap being frogmarched up the aisle to mate with her, and she knocks him to the ground and storms out.

So, the all-powerful Nemesis maroons the hero and heroine on a desert island like a pair of exotic animals in a zoo breeding program, and waits for nature to take its course.

From the moment Djetth and Princess Marsh crash land in the sea off their island home, (getting wet) they have to fend for themselves, make a bed and a shelter, find water, build a fire, dig a latrine, hunt for and gather and prepare food, deal with that monthly challenge… clean their teeth and other parts.


There’s a huge political secret that a very powerful member of the royal family is trying to cover up. He’ll stop at nothing to kill the princess and her rejected lover… but who is he? Is it the hero or the heroine who is his target? And what is this dire secret?

...

Rowena Cherrry

Worldbuilding in the grocery aisles

Hybrids aren't just cars that run on more than one fuel source.

There are hybrid animals, and hybrid plants which occur either naturally or with the assistance of mankind, also hybrids in Greek and Roman mythology. Some hybrids are sterile, and some are not. Some hybrids are called after a combination of the father's name and the mother's (father's name first).

The mythological creatures do not appear to follow this convention... and in fact, now I understand the convention, my mind boggles over the Manticore (man-lion-scorpion).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hybrid
wikipedia.org/wiki/Hybrid


The etymology is delightful. According to wikipedia, hybrid comes from the ancient Greek for "son of outrageous conduct."

I could have called my Tigron world's black sabre-toothed tigers ... pangers, or tigthers, but I think that would have complicated matters.

This week, I'm more interested in plant hybrids. For world-building in a hurry --not that I recommend taking a short cut, but sometimes one has to-- a few hours in the grocery aisles can be quite inspiring.

There are some astonishing hybrids available, as well as exotic fruits and vegetables that might or might not have been hybridized. I look at the Ugly Fruit, and I wonder whether it evolved to be visually appealing to anything (assuming that its fruit is "designed" to be dispersed with the assistance of creatures that eat the fleshy parts and eject the pits).

There's something spiny and orange that looks like a cross between a sea urchin and a sea slug, and I'm fascinated by those waxy green globes that come inside a pale green papery looking flower. If you were to change their colors, rename them, and describe them carefully as if you'd never seen them before, you'd hardly need to dream up your own fruits and vegetables for your alien romance's world. And, then there are the roots. You have to be careful what you do with your root vegetables, in my opinion.

How did we ever start to eat root veg? Did we observe a primate and copy them? Did our earliest ancestors' curious gaze fall upon something intriguingly orange, or pleasantly white, pushing up through loose soil? I suppose we do have an instinct (as children) to pull things out of the ground and bite them as an experiment. I'm told that I ate a worm once when I was a toddler! Would your aliens have similar instincts?

Your human heroine has to eat in outer space, so not all her food can be unrecognizable (or she'd have to have major allergy testing) or her gut would not be adapted to handle it. We're accustomed to stories about our domestic pets eating human delicacies which are not natural for them... which their guts are not adapted to handle. I've been thinking about what natural carnivores can and cannot eat, because I want my tigers to play a larger role in my next story.

In fact, having spent several hours reading the ingredients on dry pet food for research purposes, I do have to wonder under what circumstances a dog in the wild would eat corn on the cob. Or rice!

There are some schools of alternative healing thought that claim some of our painful ailments (such as arthritis) are a consequence of us eating fruits or vegetables that we are not adapted for, or to which some of us are allergic. My mother cured very painful arthritic swelling in her hands by giving up all produce in the tomato families. Other people have a problem with potatoes. (Some have a problem but don't know it.)

In Insufficient Mating Material, the hero and heroine are marooned on an island on an alien world, and they have to test food and deal with the possibility that the heroine might not have a tolerance for some of the fruits and vegetables growing there.

Why do I think roots are a problem? Carrots are easy, and you can eat them raw if you want to. Parsnips look like big carrots only white... but you really do have to cook them. Watch out for onions and shallots, because they look like tulip bulbs. There are different roots that look alike. Take ginger root and Jerusalem artichoke. They are both about the shape and size of a small, pudgy hand, with gnarly, stub-tipped fingers, root filaments like fleshy hairs, and are beige-gray.

On our world, some plants do not want to be eaten, especially by the roots (!) so they evolve to be poisonous. What happens in your alien world?

For those interested in research, or obsessed with plausible alien anatomy --and possibly inspired by the fact that a carrot fresh from the ground does not necessarily look "carrot shaped"-- M.I.T. (an eminently respectable place of scholarship) sells --or used to sell-- a to-scale, and anatomically correct poster called "Penises of the Animal Kingdom".

I thought the plural was Penes, but I suppose a few people wouldn't get the point.

And having Googled that, because none of the three of my dictionaries within easy reach gives any guidance on what a proper person should call multiple schlongs, I'm off to pursue other lines of romantic alien research.

Best wishes,
Rowena Cherrry
Insufficient Mating Material
"racy, wildly entertaining futuristic romance" ~Writers Write